Where We’re At
- Prostate orgasms are about skill-building and all that comes with skill-building. Most notably, giving your body time to develop the skill and learning how to use the skill.
- The Aneros instructions are problematic, because they oversimplify the process without giving you context, and because they implicitly suggest that finding the right pleasure point will create a feedback loop, when it’s not really about pleasure.
- The key element to achieving a prostate orgasm is traction, which is the ability to make a feeling build up. Even early on, it’s not difficult to feel some pleasure. But it’s much harder to make it grow and grow.
If Your Orgasm and Don’t Know It, Do You Really Orgasm?
Last time we talked about traction, which is the ability to keep building up your level arousal. In the simplest terms, if you can build enough arousal, everything else follows. And if you can’t, nothing else happens.
But, of course, the big question is: How you do it?
So let’s start to dig into this by looking at the four core Pleasure Principles. Some of the things we’ll covering in the upcoming material:
- Creating a methodical approach to understand what’s going on in your body
- The two types of pleasure and why most people (very understandably) go after the wrong one
- The key to trying without trying so you can push while staying relaxed at the same time (essential for climaxing and staying away from the second deadly sin)
- A step-by-step example of rewiring that you can use to recondition yourself to reliably gain traction
- How to use techniques to intensify all of your experiences in a way that doesn’t trigger the attachment reflex
If you look up orgasm, a common definition is that it’s a release of tension.
In general terms, this works well enough, but because prostate orgasms are the very odd creatures they are, the definition creates two big problems.
Think about it like this.
If you were to map out the pleasure curve for a penile orgasm (what I’ll call a “regular” orgasm), it might look something like this:
So far, no surprises.
And if we were to map out the pleasure curve for prostate play before you learn to create traction, it might look something like this:
But this is where things get a little wonky. Because after you’re substantially rewired (and I’ll talk more about exactly what I mean when I say “substantially” in just a second), the pleasure curve for prostate session looks something more like this:
Now, this is, of course, amazing. The pleasure just keeps building as you have one orgasm after the next.
But it’s also where we start to run into problems.
Remember the first part of the definition? An orgasm is a release.
OK. Great. But what if it’s not? Or not like you expect? Specifically, look at the highlighted area, and you’ll notice that unlike regular orgasms, the drop-off is very light. They roll off the peak gently. Especiall the first one.
Regular orgasms, on the other hand, basically fall off a cliff. Once you’re done, you’re done. But with prostate orgasms, it’s easy to finish wanting more, which leads us to…
Pleasure Principle #1: Don’t Judge
When you’re having a full-blown Super-O, a soft roll off isn’t a problem. The pleasure is so obvious and intense, you know it happened.
But in the beginning? It’s tricky.
…if you accept the idea of an orgasm in broad terms, it’s possible to orgasm without even realizing it…
Now, let me pause for a second, so I can fess up. I’ve cheated a little bit in my use of the term Super-O.
As @neros points out in his very insightful post, “The Myth of the Super Orgasm” in the Aneros forum, classification is problematic. There are countless flavors of Super-Os ranging from barely noticeable to explosively overwhelming. They can be wet or dry. They can be sharper or softer. Some shoot up the spine. Some make your body shake violently. There really is is no one description.
As for me, what I’m really talking about when I say Super-O is a common flavor, which is a super intense form of a non-ejaculatory orgasm.
But it’s important to know know that’s just one variation described in one way.
When you pigeon-hole an experience, whether it’s the term Super-O or a definition like “an orgasm is a release of tension,” it sets you up for failure. Instead of enjoying what you’re experiencing, you judge it, which is about the surest way to kill traction, as we’ll see in Pleasure Principle #2.
Worse, you might think you’re doing things wrong and veer off course, when you’re on the right path.
Even worse yet, it can lead to a lot of bad habits that only make things harder.
Once again, this is all especially dicey in the beginning.
As strange as it sounds, if you accept the idea of an orgasm in broad terms, it’s possible to orgasm without even realizing it. You might call it a Super-O. Or a Super Subtle Super-O. Or a Mini-O.
But the point is, you can totally miss the fact that you climaxed, because the intensity of the prostate play is so light at the start and the roll off is so gentle, leading to a rather unsatisfying experience, when in reality it’s a success indicator.
You have to recognize things like a Mini-O for what it is: A pleasant but subtle part of the journey.
You don’t even need to categorize them.
Above all do not judge. No matter what happens, just observe and savor. It’s critical to get traction.
Pleasure Principle #2: Go Deep, Not Wide
It was a brisk California night with crickets chirping and a chill in the air. By this point in the game, I was right around ten months into things.
Normally, I get cold pretty easily. Even at room temperature, you’ll find me in a hoodie to keep warm. Much less in late fall, where you can bet that you’d find me under the sheets with a warm comforter.
But not this night.
By half an our into the session, my body was coated in beads of sweat. I could literally feel heat pooling in my stomach.
And that’s when it hit me. My body wasn’t the same.
And I don’t just mean that my sensations were stronger. I mean that the rewiring rabbit hole goes much deeper than that. After awhile, your body physically responds to things differently.
The tingles that used to run through me had turned into a thick and pleasant sensation of heat. In fact, just thinking about my prostate, even without a toy, created an immediate and pleasurable tensing in my pelvic floor—as if an invisible muscle were squeezing—even when I was totally relaxed. And the pleasure was no longer localized. I started to feel things all over.
And that’s when I realized:
Rewiring is much more expansive than you think.
If you look at the way people talk about rewiring, it mostly comes down to learning to feel a sense of pleasure from prostate stimulation. A lot of the time, it’s about overcoming the specific “I need to pee” reflex.
But as we talked about, in technical terms, you really don’t even need to rewire your prostate, because you can have a Super-O without prostate stimulation.
Which isn’t to say it’s useless to rewire yourself so prostate stimulation feels good.
But more to the point, that’s just one type of rewiring.
Rewiring is everything. It’s about changing the nature of your whole body so it feels pleasure in different ways in different places. Some of the most important rewiring isn’t even about feeling pleasure, in fact.
A partial list of things that may change as you rewire:
- Pleasure doesn’t just feel more intense—it has a different quality to it
- Sensations start to show up in other areas of your body
- Everything feels fuller and richer
- You naturally create traction without any effort to do so
- You create pathways that allow you to move the feeling of energy around your body
And none of this is terribly new, I might add.
Hindu culture has a rich and full history of using breath to control the body in pranayama. And, of course, there’s also Tantra. Ancient China also developed countless ways to move your energy—known as Qi—many of which can very directly affect the nature of your orgasms. There are movements and stretches to open up the body and speed up rewiring in lots of cultures. And mindfulness techniques abound that intensify what you feel and even create new sensations.
And so it goes.
The point being that varying muscular tension to control prostate pleasure—the focus of so much advice out there—is really only the tip of the iceberg.
And it can work.
But it’s not any one technique that’s the breakthrough. It’s different for everyone.
The real answer is knowing how to look upstream.
When we talked about skills over techniques, what I’m really saying is that you want to establish qualities. You can do it though physical movements. Through breath. Through mindset. All of these are things you can develop.
But it isn’t about one thing.
Each quality is a foundation, the same way having a forehand requires arm strength, leg placement, grip, and so on.
In other words, if your body isn’t ready for the orgasm, you can pile on all techniques you want, but it’s actually just going to make things harder on yourself.
Your real goal is to get your body ready for orgasm.
There’s a famous quote from Nelson Mandela:
“There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.”
There is no way I can overstate how much this matters.
What you need is to look upstream.
That means instead of asking whether you’re feeling pleasure, trying to understand the pleasure you’re feeling. What are the flavors? Where does it show up in your body? What creates it? What intensifies it? And so it goes.
Upstream is seeing more in what’s there, not doing more and getting less out of it.
Because if you create the conditions that allow your body to feel pleasure, the pleasure will come.
In Sexual Alpha, Dainis Graveris talks about the fact that it typically takes people around a year to have a prostate orgasm.
At first, I assumed that meant it takes a year to figure things out.
But it’s not just that. It’s the reconditioning. We’re not dealing with a math problem or a theorem here, after all. I mean how long does it takes to learn a brush stroke? A golf swing? A three pointer? Way over a year.
You can’t intellectualize your way to a skill. It’s all about practice.
Which is all to say, most of us are looking for answers in the wrong places and the answers to the wrong problems:
- It’s not the orgasm you’re after. It’s being in touch with the sensations you feel and actually being able to recognize each of them. Better yet, ask yourself how they change over time. These things will all lead to the orgasm.
- It’s not doing the right thing. It’s staying focused on what you’re doing. As Bruce Lee said, he doesn’t fear someone who knows 10,000 kicks. He fears someone who has done one kick 10,000 times.
- It’s not just about what’s happening now. It’s looking at what came before. What feeling lead to the current feeling? How can you create the earlier feeling and not just the result?
How to Grow and Expand What You Feel
Did you know babies can’t learn by screen?
Even interactive screens. It’s because they don’t have the ability to recognize that material is relevant, so they don’t know to place their attention there.
It’s not any different for prostate orgasms.
So many people get so wrapped up in the techniques and asking themselves, “Are we there yet?” that they forget to notice what’s actually going on inside their own bodies.
They literally don’t know what they’re feeling. They don’t notice the tingles. They don’t notice where the sensation is coming from. They don’t notice if the feeling is warm and gushy or buzzy and energetic. They don’t know the feeling that comes before the feeling.
But you can’t control what you can’t feel.
If you only have an abstract notion that you’re feeling some sort of general pleasure, then you’re at the mercy of chance. Like a baby staring at a screen, there’s no way to know where to place your attention, which means you can’t know what to work on.
For a long time, I didn’t realize that the deeper you settle into a feeling, the better your body learns how to recreate that feeling.
Which is to say that rich, full experiences leads to more rich, full experiences.
A short list of a lot of the things to think about:
- Stimulation
So, the classic thing here is the level of tension coming from both the PC and the sphincter. Think about the balance between the two. Playing is the key. Try different variations. That could mean starting with 20% on the PC and 0% on the sphincter. It could be 50% on the PC and 20% on the sphincter. You could undulate back and forth between the two. Be aware that this is a skill that can take some time. Be patient. You can also try could a low level of constant tension (which we’ll talk much more about very soon). But the key is to play with these.
More broadly, think about the entire pelvic floor. The muscles around the sacrum transmit energy up the spine by way of compressing the spinal fluid, which can, in turn, trigger the pineal gland, releasing feel-good hormones. It’s even possible to pulse these muscles to create a constant movement of energy and stimulation. There are also the sensations in the perineum. Also, by default, most people will pull in with their muscles. But also try pushing out. Both the PC and the sphincter, together or alone.
Also, don’t forget about other parts of the body. Simply resting attention on the penis in different areas can increase arousal and create stimulation. Rubbing the nipples. Really, anywhere on the body. We’ll talk more about stimulation, but for now, explore. Be curious. And remember that the sensations can change over time. - Body Position
There are countless posts on body position. Facing up. Facing down. Lying on the side. Lifting a leg. Not lifting a leg. Again, like stimulation, there are endless variations. But what I’d suggest is getting granular. I’ve found different ways to make almost every body position work, but each one has nuances.
If you’re facing down, ask yourself: Does it work better if you press down with your pelvis to create more pressure? Does it work better if you rest on a soft surface compared to a hard surface? Or vice versa? Or if you’re lying on your back, facing up, what happens if you press your feet down? Or if you straighten your feet? Or if you cross your feet? Some people like it when there’s some penile stimulation, like you might get by tucking it. For others, it’s a distraction. But it’s all in the tiny details. You might even change positions over a session. But whatever it is, the more you play with the small stuff, the more you’ll uncover preferences and learn about even smaller differences that matter, which will rewire your body faster. - Bodily Tension
Energy is a very abstract subject, so let’s keep it simple. Don’t think of energy physically. Just think of it as a feeling. Whatever it is to you. There are different types of energetic sensations, of course. Some are more prickly. Some leave you pumped and excited. Some are more localized. But these feelings exist. And the level of energy relates to the level of arousal.
It’s not an A to B type thing, where there’s an exact correlation, but the better energy can flow around your body, and the more energy you can produce with the qualities you find pleasurable, the faster you’ll orgasm.
This is important to understand, because the enemy of energy is tension. Tension in the mind. Tension in the body. And if you took 100 people, I can almost guarantee that all 100 of them would hold too much tension in their bodies. Shoulders might be tight. Backs tense. When you have prostate sessions, you might squeeze your arms and legs without knowing it. You might have specific points that are habitually tense.
These things all make climax harder. They not only hinder the flow of energy, but they just keep you from getting relaxed. And even though a warm bath and nice music help, bringing attention to the parts of the body that hold tension and relaxing them will get you much, much further. It’s all about understanding the small stuff to change the big stuff. Plus removing tension will help avoid any of the unpleasant side effects that exist in prostate play, ranging from tension headaches to a buzzy feeling in the head, and sometimes, even more severe problems. - Breathing
Does inhaling while squeezing work better or exhaling? Are you breathing abdominally with your full diaphragm or through your chest? Are you breathing faster or slower? Through your nose or mouth? All of these can affect your sensations. In fact, breath makes for a good litmus test to check your level of sensitivity. If breath has no effect at all, you want to feel more deeply into your body.
As for breath itself, if you’re not sure where to start, begin by pulling breath into your belly and getting used to the sensation of pressing your stomach out as you inhale. Babies breathe this way. At first it feels weird, but it’s utterly natural and it will not only help you relax in general, but it will reach deeper into your pelvic floor and create stimulation. - Visualization
Do different types of thoughts and fantasies make your experience more intense? For example, do you picture still images in your head or movies? What about simply focusing on the feeling? Do different levels of arousal correspond with the type of visualization that works best?
There’s a concept of a core fantasy, which is sort of the theme and the thing that instantly turns you on. Work on figuring that out. Also, find what’s immediate. Don’t focus on the ideas that take a lot of thought or fantasies with long backstories. It’s easy to get sidetracked into fantasy land instead of feeling your body. Find the things you can pop into your brain and almost instantly feel turned on. - Logistics
Is there are time of day that works better for you? What about duration? Does fatigue set in? If so, is there something you can do, like switching body position to avoid it? Are there any patterns you notice? Is there are routine that helps you settle into things? Great sports players all have warm up routines and very specific rituals. What things can you do to get yourself ready for the experience?
To sum it up, let me repeat something I said earlier:
Savor every little thing you feel
The fuller your experience, the faster your body will change. The more pleasure you’ll feel. And the sooner you’ll be able to build traction.
And speaking of traction, let’s get specific about rewiring and talk about exactly how you rewire yourself to create traction on the next page.
Summing It Up
- Accepting the experience with no expectations is key. A prostate orgasm feels very different in nature from regular orgasms, and if you frame it with similar expectations, you can easily veer off course.
- Rewiring goes much deeper than people think. The body doesn’t just change in the sense that the feelings intensify. It changes in the sense that the sensations and responses are different than when you start.
- Deep observations and awareness are the key to faster rewiring. The magic isn’t in the technique. It’s in how you do the technique. The more you understand the details of how your body works, the quicker it changes and the more control you get.