What We Know
- Accepting the experience with no expectations is key. A prostate orgasm feels very different in nature from regular orgasms, and if you frame it with similar expectations, you can easily veer off course.
- Rewiring goes much deeper than people think. The body doesn’t just change in the sense that the feelings intensify. It changes in the sense that the sensations and responses are different than when you start.
- Deep observations and awareness are the key to faster rewiring. The magic isn’t in the technique. It’s in how you do the technique. The more you understand the details of how your body works, the quicker it changes and the more control you get.
OK. Now we’re ready to dive into the deep end of the pool. Let’s go.
Pleasure Principle #3: Relaxation Is Everything, Then Even More Than That
If you spend any amount of time reading about prostate orgasms, you’ll probably come across one central idea over and over: You absolutely cannot force it.
In other words, prostate orgasms are all about letting go. You have to feel into them and surrender. Or, to put it more simply, you have to relax. You don’t push through the orgasm. You fall into it.
But here’s the problem.
Remember the definition of orgasm: A release of tension.
So if you have too much tension, no orgasm. But if you don’t have any tension, then there’s nothing to release. It’s a rock and a hard place.
And that’s how I got stuck in the Pleasure Trap.
It went like this…
To feel pleasure, I had to squeeze the muscles around my prostate. But the better things felt, the more I wanted to squeeze.
It didn’t matter how lightly I started, I might add.
I had heard people suggest anywhere from 10% to 50%, and I tried it all. But even if I dialed it in at 10% at first, I’d do one of two things. Either I wouldn’t build enough intensity to feel much and I’d eventually get bored—no bueno—or the intensity would slowly creep upwards without my realizing it.
But the problem with upping the intensity was that I became attached to the feeling, so I couldn’t relax.
For example, if I pulled back from 50% intensity to 30%, it left me feeling dissatisfied.
In technical and rational terms, I would still be squeezing at 30%, meaning that I should still be getting some pleasure. But perceptually, it felt like something was being taken away from me, so instead of feeling good, I’d feel bad and my level of arousal would drop.
And that’s the pleasure trap in a nutshell: You need the tension to feel the pleasure. But then the pleasure stops you from relaxing and letting go, which in turn stops you from having an orgasm.
And that’s basically how things went for a good long while.
I’d waffle between too much tension and too little tension, and even though my sessions felt better and better overall, somehow, the goal seemed to stay just as far away.
Until I found the fourth key.
Pleasure Principle #4: The Magic is in The Arousal
It was a bright spring day, and the sunlight cut through the window, landing on the wall in front of me. At the time, I was still a little while away from my first prostate orgasm.
I pressed my body into the floor, sitting half-lotus for my morning meditation session. No orgasm work this time.
I closed my eyes and let my mind follow my breath on its journey from my lungs through my throat to the tip of my nose, where my attention settled. This went on for about fifteen or twenty minutes, until I noticed something odd: a warm, throbbing sensation in my lower belly.
The sensation itself wasn’t new.
During prostate play, something similar sometimes came and went.
It was subtle, so I never gave it much thought. It was always drowned out by the bigger sensations coming from my prostate.
But this time, since I was just meditating, I really noticed it. It pulsed, pushing light waves of liquid energy into my body—a feeling I could only describe as an embodied form of arousal. Much softer and rounder than the type of stimulation you get from prostate play.
Interestingly, it all happened on its own. No effort necessary.
More interestingly, the sensation didn’t fade. In fact, it was the opposite. The more deeply I relaxed, the stronger I felt it.
And then it hit me: Arousal and stimulation aren’t the same thing.
Up to that point, the difference between the two seemed like a technicality. They always went hand in hand. Of course, anyone who has been through puberty knows you can be aroused without any stimulation. And who hasn’t rubbed one out in a hurry without much arousal?
But what I was experiencing was a little different.
Not quite the normal type of arousal you think of.
It wasn’t a sharp and immediate sensation like you get with most stimulation. But it wasn’t abstract like you might feel when you’re turned on. It was a different sort of arousal. A more localized and tangible feeling. The heat in my pelvic floor felt like liquid energy. Almost thick like a fluid.
It felt good, too. And it took no muscular contraction or tension.
Which meant I could stay relaxed.
How to Build Arousal Without Getting Attached
Once I separated out the concepts of arousal-driven pleasure and stimulation-driven pleasure, the pieces started to come together.
Before that, I thought of pleasure as just one thing, which is how I got stuck in the Pleasure Trap.
But I came to realize there was more to it than that.
I learned to use the stimulation-driven pleasure to trigger the arousal-driven pleasure. Picture arousal as a balloon and stimulation as a pump. The stimulation inflates the balloon with energy until it gets so full, the energy just spills over. Then boom. Super-O time.
And the beauty here is you don’t need to push.
If you just keep a light but steady level of stimulation going, the balloon keeps inflating. That means no more pleasure trap. And even though the arousal-driven pleasure starts small, as it grows, it eventually becomes all-consuming.
Now, you might be thinking, “Balloon, got it. Pump, got it. But how do you even make that happen?”
And now we go back to Bourdain.
The Bourdain Solution (or How I Learned to Love What I Couldn’t Even Feel at First)
I’ll be honest.
At first, I had no idea what to do with my new found sense of arousal.
I had figured out that arousal-driven pleasure wasn’t the same as stimulation-based pleasure. I had come to be able to identify the two types of feelings in my body. And I was rewired enough to feel pretty good during my sessions.
But I still couldn’t quite tie everything together.
It’s easy to talk about balloons and pumps looking backwards. But doing it at the time was a whole different story. Not to mention I didn’t quite understand what I was doing.
And that’s where Bourdain comes in.
You might recall, way back at the start I talked about seekers and chasers.
Chasers are the people who simply take things at face value and seekers look for more in what’s there. Chasers tend to look outside for solutions. Seekers look inside.
So take Johnny from our example at the start of all this.
If he doesn’t like broccoli, he sees it as unchanging. Almost as if his distaste was a property of broccoli itself. To a seeker like Bourdain the experience is malleable. He might not like it at first, but he knows that can change. So he’ll keep trying. Johnny wouldn’t.
And this matters in no small way, because this is the rule:
Where you put your attention controls what you rewire.
If you think you function like a vending machine, where plugging in the same stimuli will always spit out the same sensation, it makes it really hard to have a Super-O.
You have to recognize that there’s more to an experience than what you feel at first.
Seekers are willing to find different feelings and sensations in their body and do the work to develop those feelings by placing their attention there. Chasers won’t. They’re too skeptical. They keep chasing down different techniques.
At the start, the results aren’t a whole lot different between seekers and chasers.
But the more time you spend placing your attention on a feeling, the stronger and more tangible that feeling gets. So eventually, the difference is huge.
How to Acquire a Taste
Think about Bourdain.
Did he really like every food he tasted? Of course not. Imagine little Anthony. Maybe he’s having sushi for the first time. It’s fishy. Funky. Slimy. Blech. He doesn’t like it.
But he’s a seeker.
So in the back of his mind, he knows there’s more to it. A subtle something in the background beyond his first impression. I call this subtle something an echo.
Anthony senses the echo, but can’t put his finger on it yet. But being a seeker, he’s willing to give sushi another shot.
So a week later, he eats a little more. Maybe he adds extra soy sauce to obscure the unpleasant funk, and this time, he uses his attention to find that ever-so-slightly-pleasant echo of a sensation. He enjoys the sushi a little more this time.
Not great, but not as bad.
But the key is that now his body now starts to recognize the echo. It sees there’s a pleasant taste that it didn’t sense at first, and each it will find it more and more easily each subsequent time.
And so it goes until, eventually, he gets so rewired that he loves sushi.
This, in a nutshell, is rewiring.
Now here’s the big secret: All experiences are multi-faceted.
I know. Not much of a secret.
But it matters, because it means there’s always an echo. Any stimuli always generates both obvious and subtle responses.
Try pinching your arm, for example. If you put your attention in the rest of your body instead of your arm, you’ll notice other feelings. Maybe your heart is beating faster. Or you feel a trace of anxiety. Or some emotions.
It’s always like that.
In prostate play the arousal is the echo you’re looking for.
So what you need to do is de-focus your attention on the obvious stimulation from squeezing your PC muscle and find the echo. I have to warn you. At first, it feels like you’re grasping. You don’t even know what you’re trying to feel.
A lot of people just give up at this point. Or they switch to a chaser mindset.
That was me, by the way. I just went and bought more toys and more lube.
And it helped a little.
But rewiring is inherently about developing a sensation you barely notice at first. There’s no way around rewiring, because all learning is rewiring.
Unless you’re basically pre-wired, which some people are, at best a good tool will help you find and amplify the echo, so you can put your attention there more easily.
Now as you try this, you might feel like giving up.
You’ll keep wondering, “Is this it?” And you won’t be sure.
Don’t stop.
Have you ever been to an escape room? At first, you feel clueless. But slowly, things start to add up and feel less random. You realize there are patterns and puzzles. Because that’s how humans work. When you direct attention to the right place, your body and mind naturally figure things out.
It’s the same here.
Even when you feel nothing, things are happening, your body is developing, and the sensations will return.
Trust yourself. Trust the experience.
And with that said, now we can put together the whole puzzle.
Summing It Up
- You have to relax and let go to reach Super-O. Another way to put it is you have to feel into your sensations. Whatever the case, you can’t force it. Forcing it doesn’t work.
- Be cautious about using pleasure as a guide. It can lead you to push too hard and get attached to your sensations making it hard to let go and relax.
- Arousal-driven pleasure feels different from stimulation-driven pleasure, and it’s important to recognize the two as different. It’s arousal that builds and builds, and because you can create it without any tension at all, it doesn’t create a pleasure trap like you can get from stimulation-driven pleasure.
- You have to nurture the feeling of arousal to make it more intense and tangible. This is done by focusing your attention on those feelings, the way you might with an acquired taste.